Returning to battle again...and it sucks!

Hello,


So something you need to know about me. I have always been the fat one in my family. And it sucks. It just absolutely sucks. And what's worse I once made it to my goal size. I was a size 12 and ecstatic. Some may think this is big, but when you have a natural hourglass figure and your thighs and butt are just muscle and thick, its a good size.

It took me two years, very little food and a lot of exercise to get to that weight. I started when I was sixteen. Then life comes and I got sick. I had to give up dancing and skipping for a while and when the exercise goes it is so easy to just keep letting it go, keep eating the bad foods.

Then I got dumped, got sad, worked on a project and before I know it ballooned 30kgs. 30kgs. I was the biggest I had ever been. I got the personal trainer, had no savings, lost the weight. Was feeling great. Then I let it go again and the weight is now all back on.

See, now to some this would be fine. We are told to love ourselves. But considering the genetic diseases I could get, it's not. I have to lose weight. Not just to stay healthy but for my sanity. I feel better when it's muscle and not fat and I can wear all those damn dresses I love.

I don't believe in diets, I have to change how I eat. I have to change how to live. Which again sucks. I am not one to put my body through pain. It hurts, it's uncomfortable. But I have to or I'll be gone sooner rather than later. I like sitting and watching tv or reading a book all day.

But it all comes down to it sucks, I don't want to do jump rope or go for a run. I want to scream and shout over the fact I have to do this again. I want to cry over the unfairness of it all. I am over it, so over it all. Why should I have to do this for a third time? Why can't the weight just stay gone?

Because my weight genes suck, because I will always prefer my coffee with peppermint syrup, cookie dough ice cream over fruit smoothies and a burger with bacon over a salad.

So I have to not give up (because I could never give up ice cream and peppermint coffee), but cut back on my favourite things. Like way, way back and up the foods that I can honestly say I really don't enjoy at all (but more on that later). I am going to have to grit my teeth and do the things that put me through pain or bore me to tears.

Am I the only one? I know we are supposed to want to exercise, to get up and go and greet the day with a smile. But are there others out there who just look at it all and go, god damn it?

Well, I will talk to you all later,
                                        Aussie Girl